I took my wife to a great restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first..
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simple saying,"Yes."
So I asked,"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
I asked my wife,"Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
My wife hinted about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said,"I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes," she sighed,"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But somehow I always had something else to take care of, first, the truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush. I said,"When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."